Stepping out of my comfort zone

Posted On May 23, 2020

You may have noticed the tag line on my website. It says, “engaging, encouraging, and equipping women for the glory of God“.

That is the goal of this project, and, frankly, it must be the goal of every women’s ministry!

I realise that is a fairly bold statement to make, but, before you skip to another blog, please, hear me out.

Instructions for specific people

In Titus 2, the apostle Paul tells Titus what and how he needs to teach the people in Crete. Titus is given instructions for specific groups of people, and everything he teaches needs to be “in accord with sound doctrine.” (Titus 2:1 New International Version, NIV)

From there, Paul tells Titus to teach older men, older women, and slaves in how they need to live. Titus is supposed to encourage young men to be self-controlled. Likewise, Titus is supposed to set an example for the young men by the way that he lives. He is to do this so that those people who oppose Titus “may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us” (Titus 2:8, NIV).

What about the younger women?

By now, I hope you’re thinking, “Wait a minute, what about the younger women?! Why aren’t they included in this list?” That is an excellent question! Let’s look a bit more carefully at what the Bible has to say.

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:3-5, NIV)

Older Woman, You have a job to do!

Did you catch that? The older women are to teach what is good… to the younger women! Titus’s job, when it comes to women, is to make sure that the older women (either in age or spiritual maturity) know how to live.

Do you know someone who is younger than you or less mature in her faith? Then you, my friend, are an older woman, and you have a job to do.

The Bible isn’t suggesting that older women come alongside younger women. It’s a command! Doesn’t that give a whole new meaning to “you go, girl!”?

That said, before we decide to obey that command, we also need to look at our own hearts and attitudes. So, older woman, how do you measure up to the standard set in verse 2?

How Do You Measure Up?

Are you reverent in your behaviour? Are you noted for your respect for others, or do people shy away from your critical or controlling spirit?

Are you a gossip or do you control your tongue? Can people speak to you knowing that you will listen and keep their confidences?
Are you controlled by wine? How about food? Television? Social media, perhaps?

If you habitually fall short of this picture of an older woman, then you have to start here. Realistically, no one can truly teach another person what they don’t know themselves!

Older woman, what you are supposed to teach a younger woman flows out from the character traits listed in verse 3.

Spiritual Fruit

Mature believing women demonstrate their faith in Christ by being respectful both in behaviour and in words. Likewise, they are self-controlled. It from this spiritual fruit that older women can teach the younger women grow their own spiritual fruit.

Friend, if you are regularly defeated in any of these three areas, then you need another older woman who has overcome them to walk with you and encourage you!

So now we have an idea of what we’re supposed to be doing, the next question is where do we start? That’s the idea of “engaging”.

Engaging

To engage with people means to occupy their attention and commit yourself to them. Engaging someone also includes the idea that whatever is occupying one’s attention is also pleasure. That’s why we use the word “engagement” when we talk about the period of time before a couple’s wedding. Have you ever met an engaged couple whose attention wasn’t occupied by each other or their wedding?!

So, if an older woman is supposed to be teaching a younger woman, the first thing she needs to do is engage a younger woman. This does not mean entering into some kind of formal mentoring relationship. Honestly, just thinking about it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable!

Have you ever heard this piece of wisdom, “to have a friend you need to be a friend”? That’s what I mean about engaging another woman. The whole point is to be a friend to another Christian woman.

Be a Friend

Not just any friend, though, one who does what she can to encourage the other woman to live in such a way that “no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:5, NIV). Or, better yet, to live in such a way that makes “the teaching about God our Saviour attractive” (Titus 2:10, NIV).

At this point, you might be thinking, “That’s great, but the younger women in my church don’t talk to me,” or, “I can’t talk to the younger women in my church. They’re all so different from me. I don’t have anything to offer!”

By now, you might also have one or two younger women in mind. One of the easiest ways to engage another person is to write her a note and send it in the mail. Sure emails, phone calls, or text messages are even easier, but there is something very personal in taking the time to write a note.

Write a Note

In today’s digital world most people cannot remember the last time they wrote a letter, let alone received any mail other than bills!

Consider this scenario: a long-lost church member, Naomi, comes back one Sunday with only her foreign daughter-in-law, Ruth, who also happens to be a new convert.

You want to encourage Ruth, but you don’t know her very well, and she is so busy that she really doesn’t have time to come over for tea. Besides, you want to get to know Ruth, herself, away from Naomi, so dropping in to visit really won’t work. So you send her a note that says something like this:

“Dear Ruth, I am so thankful that you are here. I see how kind you are to your mother-in-law. She has nothing but good things to say about you. Keep up the good work! I would love to get to know you better. I have a secret recipe for barley cake that everyone loves. Would you like to come over one day and bake a batch with me? You can take some home to Naomi, and we will have had a chance to visit.”

Now there’s the potential for a conversation the next time you see Ruth. At the very least, she will likely say thank you for the note which will give you another opportunity to encourage her. If the barley-cake-baking date works out, then you have given Ruth a skill to help her be “busy at home”. You could even ask her how you can pray for her, and take a moment to do it!

Build a Relationship

This is just one way of engaging with another woman. You could invite a younger woman to go to a women’s ministry event, or join a Bible study with you. (You could even study Titus together!) The whole point is to build a relationship with another woman that brings both of you closer to God.

Doesn’t that sound like what women’s ministry ought to be about?

Isn’t that something worth stepping out of our comfort zones for?